Contradiction of sorts

I think I'm going to delay that happy post again.
Who wants to hear happy stuff anyways?

You'd think that since we're apart, and lack communication, it'd be easy to get this over with, but it's not. Well, okay, there's semi communication now and then. Maybe that's what's ruining this?

I am honestly amazed that you're now the valedictorian for 2009. So freakin' unbelievably amazing. So much win and awesome there. I'm happy for you. Truly. Yet at the same time, there's this sort of lingering sadness swirling in there, gnawing at me. Its presence becomes more apparent each day, quite a hindrance, I'd say.

At the same time, I also feel... guilty? It sometimes feels like I'm sort of cheating on you. But that's also ridiculous since there should be nothing between us, at least, not anymore. Sigh. I don't even know what i want anymore.

Things shouldn't have to be like this. But they are. Way to fail at life. =_=".