Grandma

I mean, what better time than now when:
- The ceremony is (probably) going on
- I'm incredibly drowsy and sleepy
- Eating dinner (at 10:43)
- Should be studying
- Bring the laundry upstairs (it's been hanging for 2 days at least)
- Researching for nans paper

Right. This is way more important anyways.

I guess... of the 4 of us in this family, I'm the least attached just because I'm the youngest and didn't have that much opportunity to develop as close of a bond. Doesn't mean I don't... miss her though.

It's an ... odd feeling knowing I can't talk with her anymore... even if every time we talk, it's pretty much the same thing: look after yourself, study hard, don't argue with your brother, take care of your parents. There was always so much energy in her voice. I think... it's this repetition and knowing that she would always say these things... and the fact that it's no longer possible... that really hurts.

There's so much I still don't know about her... but she's accomplished so much. Raising six kids practically by yourself since grandpa was cooking on a boat. Look at them. They're all old, successful, have kids of their own, some kids have their own kids. It's amazing how much she's really done.

... fleh.

Returning to HK for the first time in many years... we surprised her when we visited. Phoning her and pretending we were still in Canada, then going into her room and saying hi. "Who are you?".... "It's us!". Oh. That smile on her face. The grin... was massive.

The other day, mom told me how excited grandma was when she heard I could drive... and wanted to sit in the car that I drove. And. Now... it's not possible.

...

and time keeps marching on.

Work still needs to be done. Studying to be completed. Laundry to collect. Dishes to wash. Sleep to be had.

I wish I had more time. I wish I had more time now.

Time. There's... not enough.

And.

There never will be.