Excuses, Excuses

Generally the term 'excuse' is used with the meaning of 'what you were preoccupied with and therefore could not accomplish ______'.

However, I think the term 'reason' is a better word for that scenario and the term 'excuse' is better used in a different context.

The word 'excuse' seems to give more of a negative connotation, like it was made up on that spot. "His excuse was that his tire popped on his way back from Edmonton". It sounds false. It sounds fake. Like a lie.

In another sense, we also use excuses as a scapegoat for not attempting things: "I'm too lazy", "It's not worth it", "it's already too late anyways". These words slip it out rather easily, but the implications are far from something so simple.

"I don't feel like studying". Or rather it's because I'm afraid of the failure that entails every test that I write. If I don't study and I fail, I can say I didn't study for it. What if I do study and I still fail? What does that say about me?

"I'm too tired to go exercise". More like it's because I'm afraid of what people will think of me when I exercise. The scrawniness and lack of stamina... it's self-conscious material. Also, if you don't exercise... it'll just get worse and worse.

"I don't want to hurt you". But in reality... I'm just afraid of hurting myself. I don't want to do anything because I don't want to feel pain. I don't want to be blamed for causing anything. The selfishness is glaring.

Regardless...

Things must be done. Time marches steadily onwards in its unchanging flow and motion. How we dance to it... is up to us.

In other news...

Biol331 marks are up. Ew. It's not unexpected though. Wasn't doing well in the course to begin with... so that mark was pretty much a given. Ochem was.... I don't know. Written was good but multiple choice was definitely harder. Nans...there's no motivation to study. Bcem, I'm studying... but it's not sticking. The pathways, the intermediates, the enzymes, the reactions, carbon labeling.. it's overwhelming.

Weird how this semester is really over in 35 hours. Then a mere 2 weeks later, things begin anew. In half-time too. I hope it'll be interesting... but it probably won't be.

More and more music abound! Distant Worlds - Music from Final Fantasy and Final Fantasy Concert 20020220. Gotta love that orchestrated goodness of epic Final Fantasy music.

Anyways, better rest. It's going to be another whole day at the university.

Sleep?

There's really not much of it. I can sleep in a wide variety of positions as well as in a wide variety of locales, although I'm not as skillful as a friend of mine. My biggest issue with how I sleep is that I tend to cut off blood circulation to my arms and legs... which becomes uncomfortable when I wake. I prefer curling up when sleeping, especially when there's something to hug (i.e. pillow or y'know...Giant Teddy Bear (still currently nameless)).